Somewhere in the world there is probably a itty bitty violin playing a sad, sad tune for me. I just came home from work and my head is pounding out of frustration.
What is my newest frustration, you ask? Well, quite frankly I am sick and tired of working for people who are less competent than me. Sick and damn tired.
The education system breeds a pathologic culture of mediocrity and incompetence. It's the type of profession where you can pretty much suck at your job and still make $100,000 in some places as a manager. Or you can mess up kids' lives and not do what you are supposed to do (i.e., teach) and still bring home a better than average pay check each month. I can't blame the teachers though, because the managers are the ones who should be responsible for weeding out the shitty teachers. Yet how can they get rid of bad teachers when they are idiots themselves? I keep sticking around in the system out of some idealistic idea that I am making a positive impact on the lives of children in the community that I was born, raised and where I still live.
When I was a teacher I worked for a horrible manager. When I moved out of the classroom, I worked for someone who at the time I thought was very competent but who I later found out was just a master at creating an illusion. Now I have a manager who I wouldn't necessarily go as far to say is completely incompetent, but I don't necessarily view him as a high performer. I see him as someone who can't multitask, doesn't have the indepth knowledge required for his position and who drags his feet because he is a scaredy cat who doesn't want to rock the boat.
I am getting sick and tired of climbing up the management chain and having people above me who are less competent. I look everywhere for mentors who can teach me how to excel in my career. I am tired of busting my ass all day long doing work that I think my boss should be responsible for but he doesn't know how to do. I am tired of doing all the work and then the people above me stand up there and get all the recognition. It's not that I need the recognition or anything, but it is starting to get irritating that I am the little burra who is doing all the work.
It's like I am dying to work for a really high performer who I really respect. I feel a little bit sad that I am so young and I don't really have any in my profession who I look up to. I feel demoralized that I have more admiration and respect for one of my kick ass female subordinates than I do for many of my superiors.
I am tired of people having higher expectations for me than they do for other people. It has always been this way. I am expected to work harder, carry a heavier load and take more shit than other people. In one way it is a compliment that my superiors think so highly of me, but in another way it is frustrating.
Let me give you an example:
I have been kicking ass creating, writing and conducting staff development trainings for years. Just recently one of my colleagues in the department who is my equal has taken on a five day training that was created by someone else. She goes on and on about how draining the training is, how much energy it is, how she has to study for hours and hours, etc. My boss does backflips giving her public kudos about what a great job she is doing. I take a look at the training and I KNOW that I could do the damn training with minimal preparation and while standing on my head.
Over the past few months, I actually wrote and created a seven-day training that was approved by the state. I created it from scratch, unlike my colleague being handed a manual provided by someone else. All the while I was writing the training and training my trainers who would provide the training, I was also writing three grants, the district policy (a very large document), conducting multiple staff development, taking over two extra departments....The list can go on and on. And how does my boss react? "Have you done this yet? Why is this not done?"
It's like the more that I do, the more they expect from me. I brought this to their attention today that I feel that they have higher expectations for me than they do for other people. They say that I am a high performer and can get the work done, and that they can't tell if they are dumping too much on me.
I'm not the insecure type of person who needs to be patted on their back for everything I do. But I am finding it hard to control myself from puking in front of everyone when someone who is my equal is getting a metaphorical gold trophy for doing something that I could probably do with my eyes closed.
For the past two weeks, I am beginning to question whether I should leave the institution and just work for myself. I just want to surround myself with other kick-ass high performing, creating and amazing people. I'm afraid that I will end up doing consulting and will have to deal with some dumb ass incompetent fools also. I'm beyond exhausted with all this damn mediocrity.
Yesterday my boyfriend told me that I because I am the one who is controlling all the money, the policy, the procedures, etc that I actually have a lot of power in the institution. I suppose I could look at it that my boss is just nothing but a puppet and I am pulling the strings. I guess that in one way I am able to get my way with anything I want. Maybe I'm singing myself a sad little tune today because I am exhausted.
I always strive to be the best that I can be. If anyone has any reading suggestions or ideas for dealing with incompetent bosses, please leave a comment. Ciao
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