I am having problems today dealing with the death of a loved one. It seems like it was so long ago and I should get over it, but every year the anniversary of his death comes around and I can hardly deal with it. Saturday will be the anniversary.
Over fourteen years have passed.
Fourteen years ago, my boyfriend was supposed to take me out to a party when I got out of work. He never showed up and I paged him over and over about what an asshole he was. The next day his friend called me at work and told me that he was dead.
Apparently he headed to a party without me and was going to pick me up later and bring me to the party when I got out of work. Someone started shooting into the crowd at a party and he started to run away. He was shot in the back and by the time that his friends took him to the hospital he was dead.
I paged him all night long with nasty messages because I thought that he stood me up. I don't think I have ever been able to forgive myself.
I haven't been to his grave in over ten years. Every year I promise myself that I will visit and I just can't bring myself to do so.
Today I received a call from both his mother and his former best friend. I would just rather not have them call me anymore. I hate to say that, but it's true. It's too hard for me to deal with.
I'm a tough, bad ass bitch, but it still hurts me every year when the anniversary rolls around. I just want to roll up, and forget that it ever happened.
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